Roe Vs Wade: My Story

OH SHIT 

The stick had two lines on it, indicating I was pregnant. The whole room, world around me started to become hazy. My face and body got hot, and my heart fell to the butt. I was only 19 years old. I was in a relationship with a guy that wasn't my forever, not my endgame guy. What am I going to do?! I thought. Both of our families are religious and I would be forced into a loveless marriage before my bump would show. 

I can’t have it. I just can’t have this baby. I knew it almost immediately. But I knew I also had to dwell and sit on it a while. I buried my heels in the sand to tell the baby daddy, who I was sure would be running to get our marriage certificate the moment I told him. He wasn’t like most 19 year old boys. For starters, I was pretty sure he impregnated me on purpose and to lock me down.

I waited and prayed on it, hoping for the answer to come to me. I debated whether to put the baby up for adoption, but knew I wouldn’t be able to go through with that. I went with…… I have to get an abortion. That was the best choice for me at that moment. I called the baby daddy to come over, we spoke about it. His reaction was exactly as I had predicted, he wanted to get married and have the baby. I told him, we were far too young for that. He reluctantly agreed, and I scheduled the appointment. 

I discovered I was only 6 weeks along and was able to get the pill, that causes the miscarriage versus the DNC. But you experience this all at home, all the bleeding, cramping and discomfort. And you then do the two week follow up appointment. To make sure everything went okay. 

FIRST TRY 

The day of, baby daddy and I get there, there are protesters in front of planned parenthood screaming at me “BABY KILLER ''. Getting in my face, just as we are trying to make our way in. I was already so scared and frightened. As I was filling out my paperwork I look over at Baby Daddy and told him how overwhelmed I was. He jumped: “Maybe we aren’t doing the right thing.” We left the clinic, not because my mind had changed but I just needed a second to breathe. Those protesters had made me feel like the biggest piece of shit on the planet. I already had my religious guilt weighing on me, judging faces at a mere 19 years of age was more than I could handle.

I call my Bestfriends when I get home, they rush over. They already had been clued into what was going on with us. Luckily my parents weren’t home, so my two best friends, boyfriend, and myself couldn’t speak freely. 

“You didn’t get it done??!!!”, my best guy friend Ray exclaimed. This was directed to my baby daddy. “Gosh you are such a coward”. He turned to me: “do you want to keep this baby”. 

I replied: “no, I know I don’t. Was just scared and overwhelmed in the moment”. 

“Okay, this is what we are going to do. Reschedule your appointment and I’ll go with you” Ray said. 

SECOND TIME AROUND 

We pulled up to the clinic, the protesters were sworming the building again. But time I had Ray. Ray got out of his car, he opened my car door, and put his arm around me. He asked, “Are you ready?” I nodded. “Okay, let’s go”. He guides me through these protesters screaming at me once again. He pushes his way through, and screams at them, “ leave us alone, you all should be ashamed of yourselves.” They all immediately backed off. We walked into the clinic and I could breathe again. 

“Are you okay?”, Ray asked me. “I’m okay, thank you”, I replied. I took a deep breath and marched toward the front desk. 

I filled out my paperwork, had a sonogram. And recieved my abortion pills. You get two, one you have to take orally and one that you take vaginally. I took these at home. 

I experienced what I could only describe as the worst period of my life. My uterus was on fire and like it was being stabbed at the same time. I bled for days, but the first was by far the worse. But I wanted to feel the pain. I felt I deserved it, for my stupidity. 

AFTERMATH 

Days, and then weeks went by. My two week checkup came and went, and I was okay. I wasn’t great, I wasn’t amazing but I was okay. I had gone through hell and back and survived. As years went by, had other experiences, relationships, married and even bore my own children. I never regretted my decision. My relationship with baby daddy fizzled as I knew it would. And I just wasn’t ready, and I would’ve been forced into a life I didn’t want. I would’ve been another statistic, another teenage mom. Below the poverty line, having to collect food stamps. I wouldn’t be where I am now, with a life I love. 

I saw a meme that said “ why do we allow women to mourn miscarriages, when there’s still abortion being allowed?”. Because it’s MY BODY, MY CHOICE. No woman makes this decision lightly. They pounder and dig deep to decide what to do next. And no one, NO ONE, should have the power to decide for them. Instead of judging others why not, just try to be there for one another. We don’t have to agree, we don’t even have to understand, we just have to respect each other. 

Live You. Love You. 

XO,

Anonymous