A Window into Mental Illness
As a person who lives with mental illness, friends and family often wonder how my mental illness affects me. I learned so much about myself during treatment, and some of the most important things I learned were my triggers, behaviors to look or be aware of when I’m not feeling well, and setting my boundaries by honoring my emotions. I'll break it down into a few personal examples, aiming to provide others with an understanding of the significance of mental health and the experiences that individuals like myself often undergo.
Triggers
Triggers can be anything from certain sounds or topics and objects that bring up bad memories or flashbacks. These triggers can resurface past traumas in your childhood that make you react a certain way with maladaptive behaviors (such as drinking alcohol or taking drugs) or developing an inner self-talk that is chastising or belittling. Here are examples of my own:
Discussing topics about race and gender (I’ve had incidents of discrimination)
Going to a show with big crowds (I’m afraid of mass shootings)
Driving somewhere at night by myself or going to a show by myself (I’m afraid I’ll get kidnapped or harmed)
Having a long to do list (I will add so many tasks that it feels overwhelming and I feel stuck)
Behaviors to Look For
When friends and family say they had no idea that someone was depressed, oftentimes it’s because they aren’t sure what to look for. This list below are some of the more common behaviors that I’ve exhibited that are also widely shown in others who share the same diagnosis. These are not all the symptoms, but this gives you a pretty good idea of when you should be worried and see what’s really going on:
Easily irritated or angry (anger is a secondary emotion because this could be a behavior that is exhibited when someone is depressed or anxious)
Weepy, or crying a lot
Loss of appetite (or opposite, over eating)
Lack of sleep, and/or taking long 3-4 hour naps
Isolating - staying in their room, not seeing friends or family or leaving the house (like staying in bed all day)
Setting Boundaries
For me, my main archetype that I exhibit is a nurturer. By archetype, I mean if you see a cheerleader, you can make an educated guess about what that person is like. I’ve always been a “yes” person, a people pleaser, and I considered myself a “sacrificial lamb,” because in my mind, Moms are seen as “superheroes”. This is exhausting and I don’t very much care for when people say that Moms are “superheroes.” Moms do a lot of unpaid labor, and emotional labor (writing the thank you cards, buying the gifts for all the friends, planning the parties). How do Moms have any time for themselves when their massive task list is done? And is it ever done?
In mental health, therapists often talk about how you can’t help others if you have nothing left to give. You can’t go anywhere if you don’t have gas in your tank. It’s so important to respect your time for yourself - and this doesn’t necessarily mean a spa day; this could be a beach day where you get to do nothing. This could be sitting and watching your favorite show or movie all by yourself. For me, this is spending time getting lost in a book while I’m at the beach. We get so busy with life and we end up having no time left for ourselves at the end of the day. Practicing mindfulness at the beach with my son - playing with him really makes me forget all my troubles, but especially at the beach, when I’m just one with the ocean and feeling the sand under my feet while the water washes my worries away.
Spending some quality time on a date with my husband so we can focus on our relationship instead of work. One of my favorite desserts is ice cream - it doesn’t matter if it’s summer, winter, fall, or spring, I eat it whenever I see it! Remember your inner child to remind you of who you are; ice cream does that for me! It’s silly, it’s yummy, and it’s always fun colors!
Here are some examples of setting healthy boundaries to make time for yourself:
Practice saying “No.” It’s a complete sentence and you don’t have to explain why you’re busy. Even if you’re doing “nothing,” that’s doing something.
It’s ok if you don’t have time to volunteer. One of the women that I met in treatment who is also a Mom said to practice “crocodile” hands. Crocodiles can’t raise their hands! It’s ok to have your down time. You could even spend more quality time with your kids instead of at a booth for the afternoon.
Be clear about your boundaries at work, if you do work. The American ethic is work centric - so work centric that it starts to blend with family. Turn your phones off at dinner, sit down together and talk about your days or what you’re grateful for. These conversations turn into really quality discussions, and you get to know more about your family. It’s a bonding time, not a time to check if work needs you. Besides, there should be others on your team that should be able to handle the problem if there’s something wrong at work. If you say that you value family, be true to that and be present for them.
Being cognizant of others and respectful of other people will really help you to identify that someone might be going through a hard time, or maybe it’s also time for you to evaluate your own mental health and take steps like the above to enjoy life a little bit more every day.
Live You. Love You
Xo,
Kristin
