Rediscovering Identity: Navigating Motherhood Without Losing Yourself
When we become mothers, we often lose our identity to our children. When asked to talk about ourselves, the first thing we usually start with is… “I’m a mom.” We tend to identify ourselves through the lens of others, often forgetting the person we were before we had kids. Our needs and wants are put to the side for those around us, often pulling us in multiple directions. We get caught up in the hustle of it all that we stop being our authentic selves and start morphing ourselves into what others want us to be.
I find this to be one of the many challenges we face when we become moms. It’s something few of us mentally prepare for, and others become content with it. But I strongly believe we can do and be all the things that our children need while also prioritizing our needs and wants. I believe that it’s imperative that we stay true to our authentic selves to be role models for our kids if they become parents – I believe that this is how we break the cycle.
We watch our mothers’ actions, words, and emotions. We watch them break their backs for us. We watch them spend less time on their personal grooming and care, and fall exhausted at the end of the day. We grow up mentally knowing that if we too are to have kids in the future, these are the things we will need to give up in order to be considered a “good mother.” The term “good mother” is one I find subjective and holds a lot of negative connotations. It’s unhealthy to compare ourselves to other moms and to believe that being a good mother means only one thing. It’s unhealthy to believe that if you spend any time or money on yourself, you’re not being a good mother. I find that taking care of yourself and expressing to your children what you need shows them a healthy way of living. It shows them the importance of self-care and allows you to show up as your full self when you’re supporting their needs and wants.
Allowing yourself time to stand still, to just be, is something we take for granted. We take it for granted by filling it with more tasks or work. Our children are always watching us and learning from us – I think if we remember that, we would practice and communicate more self-love and care. We live in a society where we’re praised for working around the clock versus being praised for enjoying time for ourselves and with our families. This is a behavior that’s easier said than done because life is chaotic and we’re all experiencing different things and going through different struggles; that said, self-care isn’t just one thing or one way of doing something. Here are a few tips to finding your identity again:
Do whatever is within your means that gives you a little peace of mind every day.
Practice identifying yourself outside of your children and work.
Ask your friends and family to identify you.
Communicate to your kids when you need space and allow them to have stillness throughout their day.
Push other women to think beyond identifying themselves as just moms.
We are so much more than moms. We are beacons of strength, courage, and love. We are role models, intelligent, powerful, and resilient, overcoming obstacles with unwavering determination. We are a force to be reckoned with and a source of endless inspiration.
Always stay true to who you are.
Live You. Love You
